Banter

With Samantha's clammy hand in mine, the two-mile walk to the school was disturbing. Nonetheless, we did maintain some semblance of conversation.

'So, Samantha, do you take showers often?'

'I'd like to take one with you,' she said, licking her lips.

'That's nice,' I said, as calm and unruffled as if she'd been discussing philately. 'So how is advanced geometry?'

She seemed inflamed by this inquiry. Arching her back and thrusting her large chest forward, she said, 'It would be much better if you were in it.'

I straightened my tie with my free hand, and coughed twice or thrice. 'Look, Sam. . .could we please talk about something other than how fervently you desire me?'

'Well,' replied Sam, 'we could talk about how cute you are.'

'I suppose,' I said, despondently, 'that that's an entirely different matter.'

'Yes,' Samantha said. 'Your cuteness, and my visceral desire for you, are totally unrelated.'

'Thanks for clearing that up,' said I.