Sharon and Alfie

'Hello, Sharon,' said I, staring at her lush auburn hair and glossy lips.

'Oh, Alfie!' said she. 'You said 'hi' back! I'm so relieved; I was so worried as popular a boy as you would simply ignore me.'

Inside, I screamed, 'Earth to Sharon! Earth to Sharon! You are the most beautiful, most widely-admired girl in the tenth grade, and I am a total reject!' Outside, I said calmly, 'Indeed.'

'So, Alfie,' she crooned, leaning close and breathing her hot breath against my exposed neck, 'do you know you're so attractive, I can hardly resist myself?'

'Is that so?' said I.

'Yes, Alford--yes!' said she.

Now my world started to spin. 'Uh, hold on, Sharon. . .let me get my inhaler,' said I, teetering.

'Actually,' said she, 'on second thought, I have a math class to get to.'

By this time I had passed out and was lying sprawled on the stone floor of the hallway, mouth open. But I was to return. . .